Magical Girl Magistra Erebea Molly!
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Summary: Charity thought becoming a wizard was the worst that she had to worry that Molly would become. Turns out, she wasn't even close... Now, Molly is a magical footsoldier in a war to save causality! A Magical Girl/TvTropes crossover. Seriously. No, SERIOUSLY!
1. MAHOU SHOUJO MAGISTRA EREBEA MARGARETA!

A/N: WARNING! MOOD WHIP-LASH AHEAD!!!!

* * *

MAGICAL GIRL MAGISTRA EREBEA MOLLY!

By Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer. The Dresden Files belongs to Jim Butcher. More Power to him! All other recognizable and unrecognizable material belong to their respective owners and creators. For those not in the know, apparently Molly's full name is Margaret "Molly" Katherine Amanda Carpenter. Go figure.

* * *

"This is bad," Harry said.

That was all that had to be said, really, though Harry felt it lacked impact.

During the White Council equivalent of the Teacher's convention– except in teacher's conventions you don't usually bring along your student to show them off (or in his case, prove she's not up to evil)– Molly had disappeared. There were plenty of witnesses. One second she was trying– badly– to conjugate Latin properly, the next second her plate was shattering to the ground a she disappeared.

Fifteen minutes of frantic searching had revealed nothing, after which she'd reappeared as inexplicably as before, now wearing some kind of armor/miniskirt/weird-fashion-thing instead of her brown apprentice robes and fighting an all-black figure in a skull mask and screaming properly conjugated Latin insults as she tried to dismember him with a glowing chainsaw.

Dresden had been mildly impressed in between bouts of screaming horror.

After hilarity had ensued, there'd been much Wardening and threatening of Dooms of Damocles. Thankfully, there were a lot of witnesses so Molly _wasn't_ immediately sentenced to die, but it looked close there for a few minutes, with the Merlin getting that crazy-Saruman look in his eye.

Harry barely heard Molly mutter "Negi warned me about days like this..."

When they'd finally gotten out of there on back home in Chicago, Harry pressed Molly for what had _really_ happened. He'd had to hear it twice, because it was too weird even for him.

"I was summoned to another world to be a holy warrior for its head big-shot, and later representative for said world in a multiversal crisis to fight the Mary Sue Armada."

"Mary Sue Armada?"

"Ask Ivy. She was there."

"Ivy? _That_ Ivy? As in the Archive?"

"Yes, her. Go ahead, ask her. Tell her Mahou Shoujo Magistra Erebea Margareta says 'hi'."

Harry wasn't familiar with the first two words, but the next to he recognized. "Mistress of Darkness Margaret?"

Molly sighed. "It's complicated."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh. One of _those_ things. You'll have to tell me at length when we get home to your parents, because I'd rather not have to be the one to explain this."

Instead of flinching, Molly actually seemed eager. "It'd great to see them again. It's been, what, three years?"

Harry nearly put his foot through the floor and whip-lashed their necks as he suddenly stepped on the break.

"_THREE YEARS?!?!?!?!_"

* * *

Molly's parent's knew something was wrong the moment she came home and started hugging and kissing her brothers and sister like she hadn't seen them in years. Harry tried not to look guilty as both parent's gave him suspicious looks. He didn't know the full story himself, so how was he to know if it was his fault or not?

Eventually the four of them sat in the kitchen, Charity dishing out looks she hadn't directed at Harry in years. It almost made him nostalgic.

"Well, it's like this," Molly said after Harry had laid out the groundwork. "I was summoned to another dimension by a being who called itself the Authvatar. He told me he was looking for champions and the Uriel had given him permission to go fishing around here. Apparently, I qualified."

"Qualified how?" Michael asked.

"There was a checklist, actually," Molly said, sounding partly rueful, partly annoyed. "I don't remember the whole thing, but 'on the path to redemption', 'struggling with inner darkness', 'noble lineage', 'lousy student'… I still feel the urge to take my chainsaw to Authvatar even after resolving most of the hang-ups I have on the list."

"Which reminds me," Harry said. "Where'd your chainsaw go? For that matter, where did that armor you were wearing go?"

"I'm getting to that," Molly said. "Anyway, Authvatar somehow blackmailed me that going along with this was the only way for me to get home, and he gave me a magic bracelet." She held up her right wrist, where what looked like an elegantly made, completely black bracelet with a few colored stones was looped on. "All I have to do is say the magic words and I become," she rolled her eyes and said in a partly sarcastic, nasally voice, "Magical Girl Magistra Erebea Margareta, Dark Champion of the Innocent, Black Protector of the Weak, Mysterious Knight Against Evil, and Wielder of the Chainsaw Called Bling." Her voice dropped back to her normal register, and she gave Harry a level look. "Don't blame me, _I_ didn't make any of that up."

The adults stared at her. "Your _chainsaw_ is called _Bling?_" Harry said.

"So anyway, I have to fight this group what were apparently demons who were going around trying to conquer the world. They used tree-monsters as shocktroops, hence the chainsaw. After several months of fighting, I finally either defeat or convert them to my side, only to learn that they're actually just to forerunners of the Mary Sue Armada, who are led by this warlock named N-O-B, or however she was spelling it that day. She had the power to utterly destroy causality, logic and eventually existence just by being there, and she knew it. To stop her, Authvatar made an alliance with other beings like him from other dimensions, and I joined the force that was assembled. I didn't meet everyone, since there were a lot of us, but I got to know some people really well. That was where I met Ivy. Or, as she was calling herself," again Molly's voice shifted to what was apparently her announcer voice, "Magical Girl Intellectus Archive Ivy, Keeper of Knowledge, yadda-yadda, sis-boom-bah. She favored cute animal-based explosive attacks, for some reason."

"You don't say," Harry said, voice slightly glazed.

"I made a lot of friends there…" Molly said, voice becoming distant. "Magical Girl Onyx Pterodactyl Kira… Mahou Shoujo Solaris Bloodsucker Reiri… Magical Girl Infinity Impossibility Kim… Magical Boy Invictus Perseus… Magical Girl Cosmic Twinkly Stargirl… Mahou Shoujo Omni Creator Haruhi… Mahou Shounen Theater Avenger Sasuke… Magister Magi Kitsune Girl Negi… Magical Girl Soulfire Angel-Redemptor Harrry…"

"_SAY WHAT?!?!?_"

Molly chuckled. "That's actually part of the reason I agreed to fight for three years. A teenaged, girl, magic holy fire-wielding version of you can be a surprisingly inspirational leader, Harry. You– well, she– was the head of our team. It's how Ivy and I ended up on the same group. Plus we figured we could keep down the number of burned buildings."

"Oh, not you too," Harry said. "Will people stop getting on my case about those?"

Molly smiled a bit wistfully in remembrance. "Good times…"

"What about those Armada forces?" Michael prompted.

Molly's face fell, and her eyes took on a slightly-haunted look. "_That_ was horrible. I thought fighting the tree monsters was tough… the first time we fought against them, almost all of us were injured almost instantly, even Percy, and his gimmick is to be practically-invincible. If it weren't for Authvatar and the others like him sacrificing nearly all their power to strengthen us, we'd all have been killed right there. Fortunately, we were all able to take advantage of our new power-ups and subsequent second wind to cause a strategic malfunction so that we could regroup and combine our attacks. After that, things got worse. I'd… rather not talk about it right now…"

A stunned silence descended over the kitchen as Charity rose to hug her daughter, who leaned against her mother in a vaguely disturbing way, almost as if she'd gotten into the habit of taking emotional comfort from any and all human contact. Harry couldn't imagine what she must have been through.

Molly felt tears coming to her eyes as she remembered all the near-Death and almost-Death and even a few really-Death-experiences she'd gone through or witnessed…

…_Molly swinging Bling, gutting a Jeerleader Senseless with one hand as it swung its razored pompoms at her, yelling about team spirit, while her other hand made a gesture she'd learned recently, summoning the forces of darkness to throw a blast of force at another one was trying to take Magical Girl Phantom Dani from behind as she was preoccupied with using her Lyrical Freeze Scream on another…_

…_Marvelous Metahuman Psionic Jean-X's noble sacrifice to save the Ranma-Force group as they were paralyzed with fear by the Kat-Korps, remaining dead for a grand total of 216 seconds before reincarnating as Marvelous Metahuman PhoeniX Jean…_

…_The Unchosen One's– Magical Girl Succubus Harriet, Mahou Shoujo Sailor Saturn Holly, Magical Boy Grand Gryffindor, Magical Boy Slasher Slytherin, Harry Potter, Magical Girl Veela Vigilante H!, Mahou Shoujo Goth EbonyEnobyN-O-B, Mahou Shoujo Magical Martial Artist Haru Saotome, Em Gee Nudist Rose, Invincible Omni Ion H. James E.P., Crimson Ninja Inferno Halu Uchiwa– suicidal attack on Monsieur Noir, which rendered him unable to hurt or even affect anyone in their alliance, as well as slowly poisoning his soul to cause it to self-destruct…_

… _lying hidden in a ditch, barely covered by a few uprooted bushes as she and Reiri lay, the self-declared Solar-Vampire gently suckling the blood from the cut on her cheek as the vampire re-grew her legs…_

…_Molly killing a BFS-Wielder Senseless by shoving one of Ivy's Tactical Atomic Hamsters its mouth. The agony of losing her hand __almost__ made her black out. Thankfully, Haruhi imagined her a new one…_

…_Reiri giving her a vial of solar-charged blood as a thank-you offering, which came in handy when she had to fight the sentient hemo-manic disco-ball elf Drawde the Coolend…_

…_everyone lying on the ground around the campfire, staring up at the strange, unfamiliar stars and making up their own constellations. Crimson Binder Codek Kurapika had half-seriously taken notes, and had evolved the navigation and coordination system they used…_

…_Shining Eternal Friendship Peach and her unfortunately having to give some of the younger girls, like Card Mistress Tsubasa Sakura, Lyrical Nanoha, Unlimited Wandless Hermes Rose, and Keymistress Sparkling Deus Ex Sari, the TALK, while the unfortunate Kitsune Girl Negi and, surprisingly, Omni-Deca Dialer Ben, had done the same for some of the younger boys, and the young at heart, like Magical Boy Blood-Ruby Triassic Connor and Stunning Unlimited Impulse…_

…_Twilight Ninja Vengeance Sharingan betraying them and nearly getting the Ninja Ops killed. Theater Avenger Sasuke had gone alone to either convert him or kill him, upgrading himself to Kaleido Crimson Sasuke and still barely matching Sharingan's Endless Curse mode. The boy's cries, one anguished, the other raging and defiant, as Kaleido begged Molly to kill them now, while she had the chance, Molly's tears as she used Infinite Cosmos Edge on Bling, feeling the resistance as the chainsaw cut through magic, flesh and bone, the horror as Dark Gauntlet revived their corpses with his Nekros Bracelets…_

…_the feeling of a hand on hers, and a voice in her ear… "Screw it all… Burn everything…"_

"Mommy," Molly said, barely choking the words out as she realized she was crying. "It was horrible…"

The phone rang.

Harry took the excuse to leave the room as she picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Mister Dresden," a familiar young voice said. "It's… good to hear your voice again. This is Ivy. Please tell Magistra Erebea that a Shippa Senseless got away from me. I need her assistance to track it down and destroy it."

"Crap," Harry muttered. "She wasn't kidding, wasn't she? It's all true."

"Unfortunately, Mister Dresden," Ivy said, and Harry was disturbed by the implications of the fact that her voice sounded no less disturbed than it ever did. "Please give the phone to her. Every moment that passes allows the Senseless to increase its effect on the world."

Gritting his teeth, Harry called into the kitchen. "Molly. It's Ivy. She says she needs your help. Something about a ship?"

There was a sigh. Harry could _feel_ the looks the senior Carpenters were giving him on a actual magical level. He'd felt friendlier entropy curses.

"No rest for the righteous," Molly muttered, then picked up the phone. "Molly here. I'm on my way, Intellectus." She hung up

"Molly," Charity began, sounding a bit lost but with overtones that meant she was winding up.

"I have to go mom," Molly said. "You don't know what these things can do… how they can utterly destroy a world by poisoning causality and reason… Ivy and I are the best chance to stop this." Without waiting for an answer, she thrust her braceleted fist into the air. "Night! Cosmos Power, Burn UP!"

Darkness wrapped around her, and there was a whir of an engine that Harry somehow knew was a chainsaw…

* * *

– **To be continued...for some bizarre reason…**

* * *

A/N: This is an extension of a weird idea I had, of one of the Carpenter kids becoming a magical girl, which is an extension of the weird idea that one of them gains the responsibilities of (or responsibilities similar to) a Knight of the Cross (probably Michael's secret fear), which is an extension of the weird idea that one of them becomes partners with a Digimon, along with Helen Beckitt(Demeter)'s comatose daughter (whose name I can't seem to find) and Thomas' (OC) younger brother. It started as a parody and rapidly went nuts. I have no idea where I'm going with this myself. I'm inviting other people to contribute to this idea of weird magical boys and girls…

Magical Girl Pretty Archive Ivy came out of nowhere during writing, though.

The rest of the magical boys and girls just followed after that…

Just a random rant, I find people who explicitly write 'flashback' and 'end of flashback' at the ends of a flashback sequence to be really annoying, especially if they're not limited by font and can use italics (they almost always do as well). It's one of my personal signs of at least a sloppy writer, since a wholly italic text-block after a partition is usually taken as a sign of a point-of-view shift of some kind. Close second are those who feel they need to put in a 'cheat sheet' at the beginning of a chapter to tell people how to tell when a character is thinking or using some special mode of communication. Seriously, if people can't tell without the cheat sheet, you're doing it wrong, or at least very, very badly.

End rant.

I'll throw in who the magical girls and boys are in the next chap, which I can't resist adding, so in the meantime, see if you can identify them all. All teasing was done with affection, so please don't flame me.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	2. MAHOU SHOUJO INTELLECTUS ARCHIVE IVY!

A/N: partially inspired by Gexegee's (of Organization VI) epic legendary required reading hit, _Those Lacking Spines._

* * *

MAGICAL GIRL MAGISTRA EREBEA MOLLY!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: The Dresden Files belongs to Jim Butcher, I'm just playing in it. All others besides the story are by their respective creators.

* * *

Molly looked up at the looming form of Arctis Tor, bad memories welling up inside her. "Did I ever tell you about the time I was kidnapped and imprisoned here?" she told Ivy conversationally. The wind caught the tail of her scalloped skirt, having transformed in hopes no one would recognize her. Plus it was the only way she could stand the cold. Ivy had simply used some sort of spell.

"I've read the report to the White Council about the incident," Ivy said non-commitally.

"It totally sucked. Remind me why we're doing this again?"

"Because if we don't, the Senseless' power will continue to grow unchecked, thus allowing more members of the Armada access, and ending the world as we know it."

"Right. Doing the good and responsible thing. I now have a greater understanding of why Harry is the way he is. Do we knock?"

In answer, Ivy made a gesture, and Kincaid, in what could only be described as arctic combat gear, stepped forward and announced, "The Archive and guest requests an audience with Queen Mab, on a matter that may prove beneficial for her court!" In a lower voice, he turned to the girls and said, "This is a lousy idea."

"It did not seem appropriate to announce our presence with a shot from the Orbital Kitty Kannon," Ivy said. Only years of being surrounded by people with weirdly named attacks and having her own golfbag-full of weirdly named attacks herself kept Molly from reactingto the name. Kincaid, lacking both, snorted.

"Don't diss the Kitty Kannon," Molly warned him. "It can wipe city blocks off the map. Small towns, too."

The large black gates of Arctis Tor opened, and a pale Sidhe lord, who bore a strange resemblance to Hugo Weeving stepped out. "Queen Mab greets the Archive and guest and bids them enter Arctis Tor. The queen would speak with thee about this which you speak."

"Oh joy," Molly muttered, making sure her chainsaw-hand was free. Ivy held her magical henshin plushdoll. Kincaid led the way as Molly fell as they entered the cold white halls...

* * *

_Molly stared at the white halls. "Whoa," she breathed, spinning around with newly-found ballerinic skill. "This place is incredible! I don't think there's any way to make something like this with the magic we have back home."_

_"It's just a little something the Master lent me," Negi said, blushing in embarassment as the others followed him through the bottle resort to the baths. "She's probably going to make me pay for it when I get back, somehow."_

_"Your master the vampire?" Sasuke said, looking around with as much interest as Molly, if less apparent enthusiasm. The theater producer/director/star seemed to be taking notes in his head, probably for scenery backdrops or something._

_Negi darted a glance at a still-transformed Soulfire Angel-Redemptor Harry, whose balck cowboy boots and spurs were making a rhythmic sound as she walked, glowing rune-inscribed long-coat flowing in an over-dramatic manner behind her despite the lack of wind, leaving contrails of energy shaped like hearts, feather, flowers and little Volkswagen beetles. _

_Harry-chan rolled her eyes. "Look, kid, I'm not going to hurt you, okay? You don't try to sacrifice me to the powers of darkness, I won't Soulfire your ass. My word on it."_

_"Go easy on the kid," Ranma said. "It's not easy turning into a girl, much less a fox girl."_

_"__**I**__ turn into a girl, you don't see me complaining," Harry said._

_"Which one are you again?" Molly said, pointing at Ranma. "We have so many of you it's kinda hard to keep track..."_

_"I'm the one who's a master of Magical Girl Martial Arts," Ranma said._

_"Which sub-discipline?" Sasuke asked. "There are about twenty of you who did that."_

_"You know, it would be easier to give us your Magical name," Molly pointed out. _

_The Ranma blushed. "It's kinda embarrassing."_

_"We're all magical girls and boys here," Harry pointed out. "Nothing's embarrassing anymore."_

_Ranma squirmed under their combined looks, but eventually said, "I'm a catgirl..."_

_"That doesn't narrow it down at all."_

_"Catgirl Magic Knight?"_

_"Still about ten of you."_

_"Catgirl Magic Knight with elemental powers?"_

_"Down to nine."_

_"This might take a while..." Harry commented._

* * *

"Lily! My beloved Lily! You cannot do this mother! You cannot keep us apart! Our love spans the ages, our love is beyond the power of the courts...!"

Molly pressed her hands to her ears as Maeve kept on ranting, screaming about her love for the Summer Lady cannot be denied. "Yup, she's been attacked by a Shippa all right," she said.

"A Shippa?" Mab said through Grimalkin, tilting her head as Ivy bent over the restrained Maeve, hands moving in complex gestures as she put her vast knowledge of magic to use in a more definitive identification.

"One of the more numerous of the Senseless," Molly explained. "Their primary method of bringing reason and causality to a grinding halt is to poison reality by causing completely incompatible people to either fall in love or at least become sexually obsessed with each other. They exploit the break in the logic of the world to increase their power, causing more people to fall in love, etc. It must be a fairly powerful one we're dealing with, to be able to affect people so incompatible with each other."

Mab gave her a level stare.

"Ask the Archive if you don't believe me," Molly said defensively.

"It's true," Ivy said, straightening from her examination of Maeve. "They are not of the world or the Nevernever, Queen Mab. They are not Outsiders. If anything, they are beyond even Outsiders themselves, and even more twisted. That's partly why their methods seem so childish."

"And they did this to my daughter?" Mab said.

"Just 'it', at this point, hopefully," Ivy said. "If there's more than one at this point, we're already in trouble."

Ivy went to settle with Mab, since this trip probably messed with some sort of Faerie favor exchange balance while Molly watched Maeve, remembering the first time they'd ever had to fight a Shippa…

* * *

"_Oh, Ben!" Magical Girl Phantom Dani holding his hands as she stared deep into his eyes._

"_Oh Dani!" Omni-Deca Dialer Ben said, meeting her stare with wide, vapid green eyes. _

"_Are they all right?" Harry Dresden asked Harry Potter– one of them, anyway, there were almost as many as Ranmas– pointing to the under-aged pair. "They look kinda doped."_

"_HOEEEEEEEEEEE!" Card Mistress Tsubasa Sakura said, her white wings fluttering in excitement. "Oh, don't they look cute together?"_

"_Ben, stop molesting that poor girl!" Magical Girl Serendipitous Techno Gwendolyn cried as she stomped towards the pair._

"_No! Stay away from __**my**__ Ben!" Phantom Dani cried, whirling on Serendipitous Techno in wide-eyed panic. "He's __**mine! Mine, you hear, you incestuous little nerd, MINE!**__ Lyrical Freezing Scream !"_

_Gwendolyn's stared in surprise, her hands half-raised and the shield she was raising with her pink energies half-assed as the blast wave of Phantom Dani's cry caught her, instantly coating the side facing the ghost-girl with ice as she was thrown back. _

_Everyone stared in shock as Dani glared at Gwendolyn, her eyes seeming to go slightly pink as energy gathered around her hands. "HANDS OFF MY MAN!" she practically growled._

_Omni-Deca Dialer smiled inanely, hugging her from behind. Phantom Dani instantly seemed to melt in bliss. "Isn't she something?" he said vapidly, rubbing his cheek against hers._

_Everyone stared at them warily as mental alarm-bells belatedly stared ringing._

"_My finely honed detective instincts are telling me something's up with those two," Harry (Dresden) said._

"_Agreed," said Mahou Shounen Shotacon Mystere Conan…_

* * *

Heading away from Arctis Tor, the girls laughed at the memory, from the distant olden days when no one had really-died yet. Kincaid, walking behind them and watching for danger as he was paid to, had absolutely no idea what they were talking about.

"The Shippa had tagged them with flowers," Ivy recalled as they walked, smiling in recollection. "It was a nightmare holding them down long enough to get them off. "

"They were pretty enthusiastic blasting it apart afterwards, though," Molly added.

"I heard the two of them eventually got together for real afterwards," Ivy said. "I wasn't really there, we were too busy dealing with Mad Clown Emerald."

"They did," Molly confirmed. "I heard it from Friendship Peach, who heard it from Mahou Shoujo Samurai Catgirl Himari-chan, who talked to Mahou Shoujo Catgirl Butler Hermione Hayate, who got it from Heroic Golden Saber Arturia… I heard they had every Scanner, Sensor and Detector-type as well as anyone who claimed to have some kind of magic-sense they could get their hands on at the time to make sure there were no Shippa running around to influence things when they decided to officially become a Battle Couple."

Ivy smiled down, one hand stroking her plushie. "That was… nice. Is this what it's like to be a normal child?"

Molly immediately shook her head. "Nope! Not even close."

The two sighed, eyes distant in nostalgia.

The next sigh wasn't as pleasant.

"We're in trouble, aren't we?" Molly said.

"The Shippa was powerful enough to affect Maeve," Ivy said redundantly. "The Sidhe's wills are not penetrated that easily. And by now it probably has other Senseless under its command."

"Crap," Molly said. "And it's just the two of us. Even if we send a call for help, between the Outer Gates and the Beyond, it'll be a while before anyone can respond."

"So we're basically on our own," Ivy said. She looked over her shoulder. "Sorry Kincaid, but I don't think you'll be much help with this one."

He snorted. "This is a bad idea. You hired me to keep you alive."

"Hopefully, I will be able to continue to do so," Ivy said.

"You'd better get changed," Molly said.

Ivy nodded. "Kincaid, turn around for a moment, if you please."

"Why?"

"Because she's about to initiate a magical transformation sequence that will involve underaged nudity," Molly said.

It was the fastest the Hellhound had ever moved in his life.

The two girls exchanged knowing amused looks before Ivy raised her plushie high. "_Omnis Sophia Librarium! _Intellectus, Coordinate!"

Light with hints of fur and leather whirled around Ivy as she rose in the air, her clothes falling away in the prescribed nude sequence as legging, a fur kilt and tube top, and long leather gloves painted themselves on her body, followed by semi-functional pieces of armor, and finally a spiked croquet mallet and a furry drawstring bag over a pair of crossed leather belts.

"We really need to get you an upgrade," Molly commented as Magical Girl Intellectus Archive Ivy ("_Refer!_") touched back down. "Mr. Kincaid, you can look now."

Kincaid turned and stared. Finally, he said. "You're way too f– young to be wearing that."

"It comes with the power," Ivy said, drawing a kitten from her bag, which immediately posed as if it were a gun. "Come on, lets go."

"Be vewy, vewy quiet," Molly muttered, drawing Bling from thin air and starting its engine. "We're hunting Shippas…"

* * *

**- To be continued...Seriously. Or at least Crackily…**

* * *

A/N: Here, as promised:

Magical Girl Onyx Pterodactyl Kira – Kira, Yellow Ranger of Power Rangers Dino Thunder. It was supposed to be Topaz, but I decided to let it stand.

Mahou Shoujo Solaris Bloodsucker Reiri – Kamura Reiri, from Princess Resurrection

Magical Girl Infinity Impossibility Kim – Kim Possible. Duh.

Magical Boy Invictus Perseus – Percy Jackson, who in book 5 of his series took a Styx Bath…

Magical Girl Cosmic Twinkly Stargirl – Stargirl, formerly of her own comic book, now of the JSA All-Stars and JLU.

Mahou Shoujo Omni Creator Haruhi – Suzumiya Haruhi, the melancholic one…

Mahou Shounen Theater Avenger Sasuke/Kaleido Crimson Sasuke – Sasuke from _VENGEANCE! The Musical_. Cause it was too fun to pass up. Pity I had to kill him…

Magister Magi Kitsune Girl Negi – Negi Springfield of Negima in Kitsune-girl mode. See the School Festival Arc…

Magical Girl Soulfire Angel-Redemptor Harrry – sex-changing version of Harry Dresden, partially inspired by **Brownish**'s fic, _Complications_. I'd ask her permission, but unfortunately they're not accepting PMs…

Magical Girl Phantom Dani – Dani Phantom. Duh…

Marvelous Metahuman Psionic Jean-X/Marvelous Metahuman PhoeniX Jean – Jean Grey, of the X-men. Duh..

The Unchosen Ones: Magical Girl Succubus Harriet, Mahou Shoujo Sailor Saturn Holly, Magical Boy Grand Gryffindor, Magical Boy Slasher Slytherin, Harry Potter, Magical Girl Veela Vigilante H!, Mahou Shoujo Goth EbonyEnobyN-O-B, Mahou Shoujo Magical Martial Artist Haru Saotome, Em Gee Nudist Rose, Invincible Omni Ion H. James E.P., Crimson Ninja Inferno Halu Uchiwa– Most are some form of Harry Potter, though I through in She-Who-Cannot-Be-Named-Properly for kicks.

Crimson Binder Codek Kurapika – Kurapika, of Hunter X Hunter. I'm not sure how that happened either…

Shining Eternal Friendship Peach – Anzu, of the first and only true Yu-Gi-Oh series…

Card Mistress Tsubasa Sakura – Kinomoto Sakura. Duh…

Lyrical Nanoha – Duh…

Unlimited Wandless Hermes Rose – Rose Weasley, since I felt like throwing in the next generation.

Keymistress Sparkling Deus Ex Sari – Sari Sumdac, of Transformers Animated

Omni-Deca Dialer Ben – Ben Tennyson.

Magical Boy Blood-Ruby Triassic Connor – Connor, Red Dino Thunder Ranger.

Stunning Unlimited Impulse – Bart Allen, mostly inspired by the Young Justice and Mark Waid era of him.

Twilight Ninja Vengeance Sharingan – Standard issue backstabbing angsty version of Uchiha Sasuke. You know, for even representation.

It's finally happened. My promised Ben10XDani Phantom pairing. Unless I write some other massively-multi-series mega-crossover, this is probably the best you'll get.

And now, a challenge. The details are in my profile. Who knows, this could be the next big thing…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	3. MAHOU SHOUJO SOULFIRE ANGEL–REDEMPTOR!

A/N: Guess what the new Senseless is based on, I dare you.

...

MAGICAL GIRL MAGISTRA EREBEA MOLLY!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: The Dresden Files belongs to Jim Butcher, I'm just playing in it. All others besides the story are by their respective creators.

...

By the time the sphere of solid shadows– which had unpleasantly reminded Harry of a couple of necromancers he'd once ran into– that had surrounded Molly had finally dissolved, she'd disappeared, the back door just beginning to shut. Harry and the Carpenters had tried to give chase, but between Molly's head start, her veils and Michaels injuries, she'd completely managed to evade them. Even the feel of the magic she'd used, wild and chittery and completely unlike anything Harry had ever felt, had vanished like Harry at a crime scene.

He'd tried using Charity's blood for a tracking spell, but after a while that had fizzled out. That was a highly disturbing result. It meant either Molly was dead, or– in some ways worse– she'd crossed into the Nevernever. Harry had never taught her that.

Visions of being capped under the Doom of Damocles floated before his eyes for the second time that day.

"Have faith, Harry," Michael said after the tracking spell had failed. "Molly wouldn't do anything to incur the wrath of the Council." Conscientiously, he added, "Again."

Harry bravely resisted the urge to whimper like a child.

He'd gone to begin looking for his now-disappeared-again apprentice, calling Murphy at the Carpenters and arranging to meet with her at Mac's.

...

Here's a new one: a wizard walks into a bar and runs into a cop, an assassin, and two magical girls sharing a plate of fries.

"Hey Harry," Murphy said, voice just the slightest bit dry as she waved a fry at him in greeting. Kincaid just nodded, while Molly, wearing the same thing she'd reappeared in at Edinburg, ate. Next to her, a definitely-not-legal girl wearing a fur-fetishist's weird-dream under some useless-looking pieces of armor sat, making disturbingly adult happy-noises. "I found your apprentice."

Harry, meanwhile, was gawking, putting together enough information to make a deduction. He pointed at the fur-trimmed girl. "_IVY?_" he declared.

She waved a hand. "Hello, Mister Dresden. A pleasure to see you again. Is your kitty well?"

"Dresden, it's not polite to stare," Kincaid commented. "She's too young for you."

Harry snapped his mouth shut, then sat down. He glared at Molly, who was eating her fries with a distracted air. He tried his best to channel Charity. "You are in big trouble, young lady," he began.

"Harry," she interrupted him. "A being from beyond the Outer Gates has just put a binding on the Winter Lady to make her fall madly and deliriously in love with the Summer Lady. It's going to us that break-down of logic and reason to gain more power and destroy all reality as we know it."

"Unchecked, the resulting causality negation cascade would completely devour all Creation as we know it," Ivy confirmed, pulling out a cookie.

Harry realized his mouth was hanging open. He closed it, then tried again. "Do you honestly expect me to buy that load of baloney?" he said.

"It's the truth," Ivy said solemnly. "I swear it on the Archive."

Harry blinked. "Oh," he said, voice small. "Well, crap."

"Definitely," Molly agreed.

Harry glared at her. "You're still in trouble, young lady. Your parents and I were worried sick. You could have gotten me killed. What would the Council have said?"

Ivy and Molly exchanged alarmed looks. "Did he actually _say_ that?" Molly cried.

"It's worse than we feared," Ivy said, face worried. "Causality has already begun to decay."

"Look!" Molly suddenly gasped, pointing.

Mac had come out from behind his bar and delivered a mug of beer to someone. The mug was beaded with condensation. Ice-cubes floated in the beer.

Harry, Murphy and Kincaid stared at these flagrant violations of the laws of nature.

"It's moving faster than we thought," Molly growled, hand crushing the napkin she'd just used. "Empty night…"

Harry turned to glare at her. "Since when did you use vampire swear words?"

"You sure you want the details?" Molly said sweetly.

Harry felt his glare-quota getting close to being maxed. "We need to inform the Council."

Ivy and Molly nodded. "You do that," the older girl said. "We'll concentrate on stopping it. Besides, it's not like they'll be able to do anything against it. It's as far above Outsiders as Outsiders are above normal beings. How hard is it to stop an Outsider with magic again?"

"Then what makes you think the two of you can do better?" Harry said.

"Experience," Ivy said. "We need to go Kincaid."

"Go? Go where?" Harry asked.

"To the Raiths," Ivy explained. "They're the most obvious choice if you want to destroy logic by making beings fall in love. That's where the Senseless will be…."

Molly stood, pointing dramatically. "To the Archive-mobile!"

Ivy elbowed her. "It's my car, I get to say it."

"Oh, sorry. Go ahead."

"Thank you. To the Archive-mobile!"

...

Harry had never actually seen the car Ivy used to drive around in. The last time she'd been in town she'd come by train, and had hitched a ride with him and Michael.

Ivy's car was old. It was shiny. It cost more than Harry's entire apartment building.

It also barely had enough room for Kincaid (who was driving), Ivy (who owned it), Molly (who cradled her chainsaw), and Harry (who was jealous) to fit in. Murphy had declined coming along, saying she had work to do but to keep her informed.

"You know," Ivy said as they drove down the road that would eventually lead to the front gates of Chateau Raith. "It's just occurred to me, but this car could use some gatling guns. And missiles. And grenade launchers. And grappling hooks."

Kincaid raised an eyebrow. "A bit over the top, don't you think?" he said.

"Not at all," Ivy said. "I've just realized I have enough money to make Bruce Wayne weep. If I want to use it to have my own pimped out superhero car, that's my prerogative. Can you see to the arrangements, Kincaid?"

He grinned wolfishly.

Molly turned to Harry. "Harry, why don't _we_ have a pimped out superhero car?"

Harry glared at her. "The Blue Beetle does _not_ need to be 'pimped out', superhero or otherwise. It's a perfectly good car the way it is."

"The insides are barely held together by duct tape," Molly pointed out.

"It's an artistic statement!"

"Of what? 'My car is Herbie's Bizarro clone as enslaved by Mad Max'?"

"Hey! I'm the wizard here! I'm the one who's supposed to have the wiser ass!"

"Are we there yet?" Kincaid asked.

...

There was no guard on duty at the gate when they arrived. That wasn't a good sign.

"There's no guard on duty at the gate," Harry observed when they arrived. "That's not a good sign."

"It's already here," Molly growled, pushing the door open and hopping out, with Ivy right behind her. She pulled the ripcord of her chainsaw, and it whirred to life beginning to vibrate rhythmically as she held it. "Harry, stay behind us!"

"You too, Kincaid," Ivy said, reaching into her hip pouch and pulling out her spiked croquet mallet, hefting it. She turned to Molly. "It's already in. In getting all sorts of messed up love poems being written in that house. It's all pretty crappy." She paused. "We might already be too late."

"Right on schedule, then," Molly said, raising Bling. One foot drew a circle around her, the movement practiced and experienced, and Harry felt the circle lock into place. "Clear!"

Ivy hopped back, easily clearing fifteen feet in a single reverse-bound as she got way behind Molly, making frantic beckoning gestures for Harry and Kincaid to do the same.

Molly thrust her chainsaw skyward, keeping within the confines of the circle. "Infinite…" she intoned as darkness seemed to coalesce from out of the bright sunny day, wrapping around the chainsaw's blade. "Cosmos…"

Abruptly, she dropped the chainsaw to her right, her arm and its edge parallel to the ground breaking the circle as the chainsaw screamed to life, and the air seemed to _ripple_ around the blackness coating the power tool. "EDGE!"

She whipped the saw abruptly sideways, slashing at the air in front of her several feet from the gates.

The whole world rippled in front of her, and the gate was blasted off its hinges, torn apart, the ends of the shattered pieces glass smooth and red hot. The walls it was on didn't do so well, either, sizable portions of it being blasted off as well.

Molly thrust her weapon forward in the classic pose of anyone being played by Mel Gibson. "CHARGE!"

Ivy charged forward, mallet held high, and together the two girls suited action to words.

Harry and Kincaid looked at each other.

"I might have to ask for more money next time we renew my contract," the Hellhound said.

"At least _you're_ getting paid for this," Harry grumbled. He pulled out his blasting rod. "Come on, let's make sure they don't get killed…"

...

_Meanwhile, in a place Beyond Outside…_

The two Magical Girls– technically– ran, one leaving a glittering trail of glowing symbols in her wake as the other bounded forward in long, lithe strides that did interesting things to her jail-baitishly short skirt. She didn't notice, her nose to the wind as she tracked their quarry, following the scattered trail of what passed for its blood. "This way," she told her companion, pointing.

The taller of the two– she was the one in the cowboy hat and spurs– nodded in acknowledgement, her slim, glowing wand raised, its runes shining silver with holy light. They'd managed to disrupt this Senseless' plans– yet another fighting competition attracting ridiculously rich, bored and powerful people with lousy fashion sense and even worse ideas of what to wear to a fight– and had managed to injure it, causing it to draw on its limited stores of self-preservation to run off.

The two magical girls had been delayed by the need to knock out all the idiots who'd joined to be in the 'tournament', since they were all pretty annoyed it had been interrupted. Thankfully, the two other people who'd entered the 'Tournament' undercover had joined in. Homicidal Gothic Lolita Bulleta and Stunning Unlimited Impulse had surprise attacked them, and were now fighting them in the street, while they'd made a break for it to track down and finally finish off this Senseless.

They arrived at a clearing in time to be ambushed.

The kitsune girl in the lead barely had time to react before a tree was thrown her way. She leapt and twisted in mid-air to dodge it, but it bounced obliquely off the side of her head, and she landed in a dazed heap, head spinning.

A tree was also sent the taller one's way, but she had more warning, and she slid down in a baseball palyer's slide, the tree flying over her as she raised her wand for the inevitable attack. The Senseless charged at her, looking like a bare-chested, impossibly muscled old man. Instead of a sick-pack, he had a 36-pack, with biceps that looked like pumpkins. Its face was set in a snarling rictus not unlike those a Japanese demon-mask, and it wore its pants Hulk-style. That is, tight, tattered, and androgynously blank for its tightness. A cape hung chained around its neck, and an army officer's hat rested on it's head.

"_FORZARE!_" she cried, and a shining silver battering ram exploded from the end of the glowing wand, smacking the Tourney Old Man Senseless right in the face and causing it to make a rather tinny sound of pain. Its form flickered, as if its body had shifted into a different pose without passing through the motions in between, and it paused in midair, its momentum completely canceled by the disproportionate attack.

Angel-Redemptor took advantage of the break in the laws of physics as the Senseless hung there to unleash a follow-up attack, adding more power to the strike. This time a shining silver clenched fist erupted from the end of her wand, striking the Senseless in a Looney Tunes fashion and sending it flying back, with a speed and force also disproportionate to the amount of power in the strike.

"Negi!" she cried, moving to stand between the senseless and her downed partner. "Get up!"

The mage-turned-kitsune got to her knees, shaking her head to clear it, but already her nails were elongating into claws, her red tail lashing wildly. She rose staggering to her feet, even as the Senseless did the same. Angel-Redemptor gathered fire, firing it off with a cry of "_FUEGO!_" but the Senseless was quicker to react this time. It crossed it's arms in a defensive gesture, and the blast of fire magic only pushed it back a little, not even singeing it's arms or, for that matter, curling its hairs.

"Hell's bells, I hate these things," she growled. She raised her wand for another strike, just as the kitsune girl flickered forward, claws glinting ahead of her in her lunge.

Then the Senseless put its arms on its hips, and time seemed to stop. The fire seemed to turn to jelly and went still a bare foot from the end of the wand, while Negi suddenly paused in mid-air.

"Foolish fools!" it monologued, eyes glowing red. "You cannot hope to defeat me! I am the most powerful fighter in the world! I am the Iron Fist King! My Psychic Powers are more powerful than anyone else's! My evil organization is the evilest and most organized of all! You foolish fools cannot hope to defeat me! It is a hopeless hope! Surrender before my mighty might, and I will conduct creepy mind-game experiments upon your fetishistly clad forms!"

"HELL NO!" the two chorused, Negi looking slightly green. In the past three years he'd had to learn a lot of things quickly, and he deeply regretted it. They strained against the paralysis holding them in place, but it did no good. As long as Iron Fist King was posing like that, they couldn't move, only talk.

They knew they had it on the ropes. It was just giving it's pre-escape "I'm-better-than-you-but-I'll-cut-you-some-slack-as-i-escapeto-save-my-battered-hide" speech.

The Senseless turned away dramatically, beginning to stride away, but before the two could move, a hole had been ripped out of existence, and it was gone, escaped.

They stumbled forward, Angel-Redemptor's spell setting a lot of trees on fire as Negi skidded herself to a stop.

"DMN!" Negi cried in a fit of linguistic impossibility. "We need to go after it!"

Angel-Redemptor nodded, heading towards the spot the Senseless had disappeared while Negi reported their condition to Kurapika. She extended her senses around the site, trying to determine as best as she could the Senseless's destination.

"Have you got it?" Negi asked.

She nodded. "Let's go. _Aparturum!_"

...

There was disgustingly little resistance as they made their way into Chateau Raith.

"It'll be a mercy to shoot them now, before they recover," Kincaid said as they passed the 12th guard reciting badly (_very_ badly) composed poetry to a swooning, sighing White Court Succubi.

"Now, now Kincaid," Ivy chided.

They made their way through the house's halls, ignoring the sickeningly saccharine displays of affection. They found the Senseless in Lara's office. She and Lara were staring lovingly into each other's eyes, the vampire making dazed sounds about 'beloved', 'darling', and other mushy things no White Court Vampire worth their Hunger would ever say sincerely.

Ivy and Molly exchanged glances, then closed the door to the office.

A second later the two of them kicked it open, shards and splinters flying in dramatic fashion as the two magical girls strode into the room, weapons at the ready.

"ISABELLA SWANNE RICE!" Molly cried, leveling her weapon at the Shippa. "For your crimes against all existence, logic, rationality and sense, I, Mahou Shoujo Magistra Erebea Margareta, am here to remove you from Creation!"

Ivy pointed her gun-shaped kitten at the Shippa. "Surrender and die," she confirmed.

"I tinkz notz," the Shippa said, as she painted body glitter on Lara.

BONK!

The two whirled as, behind them, Harry and Kincaid dropped unconscious, mirrored bumps on their heads.

A large, bare-chested male-looking Senseless stood behind them, sneering down at them as it crossed its arms.

"Iyornz Fiztz Qingz," Bella said. "Diilz witz thiz tooz, wilz youzez?"

The two girls exchanged glances and crashed out the window.

Bella threw back her head and laughed as the other Shippa went after them. She stroked Lara's head as she flounced towards the two unconscious men, a pair of flowers appearing in her hand…

...

Molly and Ivy hit the ground and rolled. Molly threw up a veil around herself, silencing Bling's screams as she disappeared. Ivy backflipped up and back, her hand darting into her pouch, pulling out a double handful of Gerbil Grenades. The Senseless crossed its arms in defense, the explosive rodents, detonating mostly harmlessly on him. This was just a distraction, however, since Ivy, with all the power of the Archive besides just that of a Magical Girl, proceeded to make the ground under him explode violently in lava.

The Senseless was blasted upward ridiculously fast, obviously pained, but his skin was barely even reddened.

"I hate these things!" Molly's voice cried out, and suddenly a series of seething black lines suddenly began to draw themselves on the Senseless skin. "Die already, die!"

That was when Ivy brought on the lightning.

...

Bella knelt languidly, the flowers in hand as a now-sparkly Lara came forward with a brush and a bucket of glitter. "Nooz hartz," she said, as she began to place them on the two. "Nooz lurvz. Hoe-Yay!"

"_Forzare!_"

A silver battering ram hit Bella on the forehead, sending flying into Lara's heavy desk, which slid back several feat before crashing against the wall.

"That is sick," a feminine voice said, its owner's spurs clinking as she braced her feet. The cowboy hat she wore shadowed her face, but the long, dramatic leather duster covered with glowing runes was pulled back from a gunbelt, the revolver riding on it glowing as well. "Isabella Swanne Rice! For your crimes against all existence, logic, rationality and sense, I, Mahou Shoujo Soulfire Angel-Redemptor Harrius Dresdenus, am here to remove you from Creation!"

Magister Magi Kitsune Girl Neguis Springfieldus nodded fiercely, one clawed hand cupping a lightning spell, her thigh-high stockinged feet also spaced wide, her long, wide sleeves gathered at her bent elbows as her waist-length red hair swayed, her fox-ears twitching. Her tail lashed out from under her ridiculously short skirt. "Surrender and DIE!"

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: Up Next, BEWARE THE BLACK BARON!

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	4. MAGISTER MAGI KITSUNE GIRL NEGI!

A/N: finally thought of a plot for this. TvTropes, dattebayo! Literally!

Hey, if _**Kyon: Big Damn Heroes **_could do it…

...

MAGICAL GIRL MAGISTRA EREBEA MOLLY!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: The Dresden Files belongs to Jim Butcher, I'm just playing in it. All others besides the story are by their respective creators

...

Outside, Molly and Ivy were having… difficulties. The annoying thing about fighting this particular kind of Senseless– well, the _specific_ annoying thing of fighting _this_ particular kind of Senseless– was that it was hard to tell if they were having any sort of effect on it. No matter how hard they hit, blasted, slashed, bashed and bombed the thing, it still looked completely healthy, it's movements not at all hampered or hindered. Molly had managed to hamstring it in a particularly risky maneuver that had nearly crushed her leg, but aside from a shower of blood out of a Peckinpah movie, it seemed like nothing had happened at all.

If anything, it was getting _faster_, pulling off all sorts of insane attacks, such as dropping the _moon_ on them. Both girls had been reduced to dodging a lot now, as the Senseless was attacking too quickly for them to find an opening that wouldn't leave them squashed like bugs.

"Well, this is bad," Molly panted as she and Ivy dodged, alternating. Thankfully, one of the Senseless' own peculiarities was that it could only attack in straight lines, easily predictable. "Got any ideas?"

"One," Ivy panted, dodging a ridiculously colorful and absurd attack that involved Pluto (the dog, not the planet, for some reason), a giant squid, a shark and twenty tons of marshmallows. Her hand darted into his hip-purse, drawing out a flying squirrel, which she threw into the Senseless' face. It howled, pounding randomly and ineffectually at the little mammal. They knew exactly how long _this_ would last. The Senseless was reliable in the predictability of it's timing, if not it's actions. Ivy took the opportunity presented, putting the back of her hand to her forehead in the classic gesture of helplessness and crying loudly. "Oh, woe is me! It's a million to one chance, but only a Deus Ex Machina can save us now!"

"_RAITEN TAISOU!_"

The cry came just after the crash of an inconvenient wall being made to go away as a crackling form wreathed in electricity jumped out, a long mane of hair flowing behind it like a tail as a more literal tail peaked out from a jail-baitishly short skirt, revealing just a hint of underwear. Long, thigh-high stockinged legs clad only in cute white socks and slippers scissored and spun at the speed of light, and the Senseless was suddenly knocked back as the helicopter-like attack hit, sending it reeling.

Their conveniently timed savior landed in front of them in a slightly animalistic crouch, fox ears twitching, nails elongated into claws. "Girls," she said in greeting, glaring at the Senseless who was slowly getting to his feet. "One of you might want to go up there to back up Soulfire-chan. I'll handle this."

"Are you sure?" Molly said, as Ivy hopped up to the hole in the wall, mallet in hand.

"I'm sure," Magister Magi Kitsune Girl Negius Springfieldus said, energy crackling around her as her legs tensed beneath her. "I'll try to expose it's back, you go for the spine of neck. It can only deny causality for so long."

"And if that doesn't work?" Molly said as sounds of enthusiastic violence echoed from Lara's office.

"**Finish him,**" Negi said, in the exact intonation of a certain video game.

Molly held Bling in her hands, twisting the handle somehow, and two small, narrower chainsaws whirred in her grip. She thanked that princess friend of Reiri's who'd given her dual-wielding lessons as she prepared to circle around. "Let's kill this sucker…"

They charged.

...

Harry kept her blasting wand– definitely a wand, what with all the bells and whistles on it, though thankfully not literally– leveled at the Shippa Senseless, trying to keep both her and Lara covered. Even with– or perhaps especially because– of the pseudo-love whammy haze she'd slapped on Lara, the White Court Vampire was glaring at Harry with alert, protective eyes, keeping herself between the Magical Girl and the Senseless.

"I promise to love you every moment of forever," Lara said deliriously, moving like a drunk getting ready to go boxing.

Harry-chan sighed. "Lara, I get the feeling you are going to hate me for keeping you alive after this."

The Senseless sneered. "Fyuliz UUishardz," she said. "Yooz derz tinkz yuz cans ztrykz meez do–"

Behind her, Ivy leapt screaming through the hole in the wall, her mallet rising to bash the back of the Senseless' head in. There was a wet crunchy sound not unlike a bow of cereal being crushed under an anvil, and a shower of rainbow colored blood, piss, bubbles and Hello Kitty symbols floated out of the wound.

"DIE, YOU ABOMINATION AGAINST NATURE, DIE!" Ivy cried as her mallet began to rise and fall like Mario's in the original Donkey Kong. "DIE! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH _**GARBAGE**_I'VE HAD CRAMMED INTO MY HEAD BECAUSE OF YOU THINGS? DIE _DIE__** DIE!**_"

Lara gave a cry of surprise and tried to rush to the fallen Senseless' aid. Harry snapped up a modified shield spell, creating a shining silver wall for the vampire to crash into. She bounced, off, beginning to batter at the wall ineffectually as Ivy, still in a homicidal rage, really got into the rhythm of things, her mallet coming up and down with workmanlike regularity. Outside, the whirl of dual chainsaws and anti-army spells mixed with random catchphrases that made absolutely no sense in any context, finally culminating in an agonized scream and a ten-minute soliloquy going on about THIS WAS IMPOSSIBLE, I AM INVINCIBLE!

Finally, the Senseless stopped moving, and Ivy quickly leapt off its back, her mallet covered from the head to halfway down the shaft with the various absurd fluids the Senseless inevitably had inside them. She had to be quick, because the Senseless metamorphosed into a pile of manure afterwards.

Lara began to blink, not in any confusion, but simply in reaction to finally being properly reconnected to her body. Outside, bad poetry readings were replaced by various sounds of embarrassment and in some cases screams of utter terror as people realized they were dangerously close to being intimate with a member of the White Court. She looked between the fur-clad Archive, at the two unconscious men on the floor, at the hole in the wall, at her disturbed desk, and at all the glitter she'd been covered with. She plucked the flower that had been stuck into her hair. "Why," she said, "is there a big pile of crap on my floor?"

Harry-chan pointed at Ivy. "She did it."

Ivy, pinching her nose with her free hand, looked at Lara as seriously as someone holding that pose could be. "There's a very good explanation for all this, Lady Raith…"

...

Harry woke to find himself looking at a really hot teenaged girl who looked kinda like his mother. For some reason, the air smelled like crap.

She promptly hit the top of his head with a short stick. "None of that. We have more than enough problems already without weird sexual subtext getting into everything. Get up."

Harry got shakily to his feet, feeling a dull throb on his head from it being hit really hard by someone else's head, but when he lifted up his hand there was no bump, nothing tender. His eyes fell on the vaguely human-shaped pile of excrement and he nearly threw up.

"Yeah, you get use to it," the girl said, nose crinkled in distaste as she pulled a kerchief tied around her neck up to cover her nose. "Come on, everyone's in the next room. Lara wants to talk to you."

"Oh, joy," Harry muttered as he held his own nose, following the girl. His keen detective senses took note of her glowing-rune covered coat, the gun at her belt– also with lots of glowing runes– the spurs that clicked on her feet, and pulled a close-to-home conclusion. "Let me guess. You're like Molly and Ivy?"

"You could say that," she said dryly. "In here…"

It looked like some kind of sitting room. There were sofas, chairs, bookshelves, big windows, curtains, lamps and, this being Raith central, expensive paintings and weapons on the walls. Ivy sat on one chair, her mallet now heavily stained with things Harry didn't want to identify, resting on the back of a raccoon on the floor. Kincaid stood behind her, grim, serious and slightly embarrassed. Molly stood on the other side of the room, her stance making it clear she was covering the area behind Ivy, and now wielding two smaller chainsaws which both smelled strongly of ketchup and spaghetti sauce. Next to her stood a much younger girl with long red hair, fox ears, a tail of a similar zoological source, thigh-high socks, and an absurdly short skirt on an outfit that looked like some kind of severely truncate kimono. The sleeves had apparently thieved the skirt, being absurdly long and cover her hands.

"Hey Harry, Soulfire," Molly said, waving a chainsaw in greeting and making her companion duck even though it wasn't on. "Welcome to absurd exposition central. Have a seat. Try the pie."

"There's pie?" Harry said, opting to stand, staff gripped tightly in hand.

"Well, no, we just like saying that," Molly said. "We were just finished telling Lara about the Senseless."

"It is absurd," Lara said, glaring at Ivy, who smiled serenely. "While I can credit that we were all somehow… attacked… and made to act out of character–"

"Which should be leaving you on the floor as a brain-scrambled mess," Molly pointed out. "Instead, you're seriously debating this with us. Empty night woman, you SAW the Senseless turn into a pile of crap! Unless the properties of ectoplasm have changed a _lot_ since I last heard?"

"It's absurd," Lara insisted. "It's impossible. Reality does not work like that! To think a being can cause causality itself to decay? Ridiculous!"

"You sound suspiciously like normal people do when they're faced wit the supernatural," the girl Harry supposed was Soulfire– and why did that tickle at him for some reason beyond the obvious reference to angelic fire?– said, putting both hands into the pockets of her duster and arching her back as if leaning. "Next you'll try to rationalize it, then pretend you just remembered it wrong, and in a little while you'll deny it ever happened. Next you'll be saying vampires don't exist."

Lara glared at her. "Exactly who do you think you are, girl?"

Soulfire glanced briefly at Harry for some reason, then raised an eyebrow at Molly.

"Go for it," Molly said, grinning evilly. "It's always fun to see the reactions."

Ivy reached into her purse and pulled out a small puppy with a telephoto lens sticking out of its mouth. "Ready!" she said cheerfully as Kincaid eyed the device in askance behind her.

Soulfire shrugged and stepped a little off to the side, her coat suddenly flaring out as she twirled, energy rushing from her. Lara and Harry jerked in surprise at the surge of energy, which felt very strange to the wizard's senses and actually caused a small wind to blow through the room. There was a moment when Soulfire's body seemed to be a naked silhouette of light, a moment of blinking as the light receded and…

Harry's jaw dropped, staring. The other Harry grinned at him, pushing back his hat. "Yo."

"Two Harry Dresdens," Lara said tonelessly, the way a severely traumatized person does. "Hunger help us all. It's a sign of the apocalypse."

Ivy gleefully took pictures.

The still-unnamed fox-girl coughed nervously. "Um, actually…"

Molly slapped a hand to her face, nearly braining herself with one of her chainsaws. "Oh Lords of Outer Night, don't tell me we actually have _another_ Buffy-damned apocalypse to deal with again!"

"Okay, we won't," previously-a-girl!Harry said.

Molly glared at him. Her chainsaws spontaneously whirred to life.

"Hey, easy there grasshopper," previously-a-girl!Harry said, raising his hands placatingly.

"_He_ calls me 'grasshopper', dood," Molly said. then she blinked, staring at her mentor. "Harry? You all right?"

"Rule 63 shock," Ivy said matter-of-factly. "It's fried his brain. To reboot I suggest kicking him."

Previously-a-girl!Harry considered this and kicked him.

"OW!" Harry cried, hopping on his unkicked leg. "Hells bells–!"

"And he's back," Molly said. Then she turned to the foxgirl. "You were saying about the apocalypse, Negius?"

"Hey, I thought we weren't–" previously-a-girl!Harry began. Any further words were cut off by a ball of black energy that knocked his hat off his head.

Negius– seriously, what kind of name was that?– looked up at her seriously. "They've found it, Molly-chan. At least, found out where it is. It's somewhere _here,_ on _this_ Earth. The Tourney Old Man was trying to get the info to the Shippa since it was the one they had stationed here."

Ivy and Molly grew still. "Fuck on a pogostick," Ivy said succinctly

Harry didn't know whether to boggle at the language or just get lost in all the crazy. He opted for trying to make sense of things. "Found _what_?" he demanded. Lara leaned forward, obviously wanting to know as well.

"The Tropernomicron," Negius said grimly.

A dark, dramatic silence fell over the room.

"We have no idea what that means," Lara said.

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: Unfortunately, there were no barons in this chapter. Perhaps next time?

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


End file.
